The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
