theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
