and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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