You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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