he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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