dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
