im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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