Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
