I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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