Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
