he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
