dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just gift wrapped bread.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
