i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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