evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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