Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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