Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we're so committed to being not committed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
