ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
