I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
