so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
