The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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