We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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