dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
