Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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