He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
