no one should ever give us hovercrafts
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
