I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
