Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
