Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
