I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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