it wasn't lemon gatorade
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
