If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
