My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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