I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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