You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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