Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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