I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
