I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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