my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
