Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
