Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I could fuck to npr.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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