Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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