hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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