I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
