She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
