she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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