so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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