I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
