so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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