I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
