Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
