i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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