I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vagina is very pro this idea
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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