Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
