Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
