How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
