I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
