We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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