she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
