omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
