From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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