Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
