I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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