Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
