How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
