Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
