I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How does it feel to date your dad?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
