just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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