Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize