I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
