Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
