no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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