ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
