i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
