'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
