My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
