I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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