The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
