You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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