They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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