Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
